Perspective from Logan's Birth Grandpa

Below is a letter written to Logan from Grandpa Mark McMillen. Mark gave us permission to share his heart on our family blog. We are beyond blessed to have the McMillen's as part of our family. We love you all!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a little over a year since Logan was born. We recently returned from Logan’s 1^st birthday party that his adoptive parents invited us to, and as a result I have been reflecting a lot on the events of the last year and a half or so. Actually, this is something that I find myself reflecting on frequently and I really feel the need to write some of this down. I’ll be in the car driving and I’ll start thinking about all that’s happened and I get very emotional. I’m not sure why, I guess it’s just part of the way I am processing all that has happened. So here goes:

I guess the first thing that surprised me is how I reacted to the news that Katelyn was pregnant. From the instant that she told me, I have never once felt angry with or ashamed of her. From that moment on, all I cared about was that she was OK. I wanted to insure that she and her baby’s physical needs were met and that emotionally and mentally she survived the challenges that were ahead. I could care less what others thought. I had no need to lecture her on the choices that she made and the predicament that she had gotten herself into. I just wanted to make sure that she was OK. If I were thinking about this hypothetically before it happened, I think I would have told you that I would put up a good front for her, but in reality I would have been angry, ashamed and disappointed. The reality is, I have never once felt any of those emotions, just compassion and love for her.

Another thing that struck me is that I believe I really had some misconceptions about the reasons that a woman may place a child up for adoption. In reality, I guess I never really had the need to think much about it at all, but I think if you would have asked me about it before Katelyn got pregnant, I would have thought there were three possibilities for a woman who is in this situation when marrying the father ceases to be an option:

1. That a woman would simply suck it up and choose to be a single parent. That she would feel that she cannot bear to let the child go and choose to just do what it takes to make it work. I in no way mean to imply that there is anything wrong with this option. Certainly there are many women who have chosen this option and have done an outstanding job providing a loving, caring environment for their child.
2. That a woman would decide that she is not in a place in her life to be able to parent. Whether it is school/work commitments or she feels that she doesn’t have the means, the time, or the emotional stability to be a good parent and chooses to place the child up for adoption. Again, there is nothing wrong with this option and I commend a woman who is willing to be honest with herself and make tough decisions.
3. Have an abortion.

What I saw with Katelyn was an option that I never even considered. This option is similar to number 2, but is different. Katelyn’s decisions from day one were focused on what she wanted for her unborn child. She knew that if she decided to parent, she was always welcome in our home, and the basic necessities of life were not an issue. Katelyn’s thoughts though immediately wanted her child to have a family with a father and a mother and craved normalcy for Logan. In every decision that she made, I continually saw her frame of reference not being centered on what she wanted, or what did or did not work out best for her, but what she thought was best for this child. In every step in this journey, I have watched in wonder as Katelyn consistently made gut wrenching decisions that were focused on what she believed was best for Logan even though these decisions were most of the time in direct opposition to what she wanted for herself. I guess I just never considered an option where the decisions were based solely on his needs and not hers.

I think before this happened I thought that placing a child up for adoption was an act of weakness. I thought that it signified that a woman wasn’t strong enough to be a single parent. What I have found is the polar opposite. There was nothing weak about this. Katelyn placing Logan with Kevin and Nichole is without a doubt, that strongest, most loving act that I have ever witnessed. The strength to do what she felt was best for Logan, in the face of what she wanted for herself, makes every decision that I have ever made seem pale in comparison. I do not believe that I would have had the strength to do what she did. 

I continue to see this dichotomy every time Katelyn gets to see Logan or receives a new update or pictures of him. Not that I don’t love Logan, but my attention is constantly drawn to her. I guess it’s that father thing where I want her to be OK. As I watch her, I see both happiness and sadness simultaneously. In her eyes, I see an amazing joy and confidence in her decision as she sees how well he is doing and how happy they all are as a family. At the same time there is also sadness when she understands that she does not get to experience all of the wonders of being Logan’s mom. I constantly witness all of this melded together on her face at the same time. Amazingly though, the joy of seeing him healthy and happy in the type of environment that she choose for him always trumps the sadness. This is because her focus has always been on what she wanted for him, not on her own needs.

All in all, I stand in awe of what God has done in this situation. There was no story book perfect solution for this, but I can’t imagine it working out any better. I am so blessed that Kevin and Nichole continue to invite us to be a part of their family. We get to see Logan regularly and we all really seem to have fun together. They never seem to be threatened by us or our involvement in Logan’s life. Not only did they adopt Logan, but we’ve all adopted each other as extended family. Romans 8:28 states “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them”. This whole experience has taught me a great deal about what perfect love is. A young woman who was willing to put aside her own wants and needs for what she felt was best for her son, and a young couple that is willing to unselfishly share their son with us. This little boy is very blessed to be loved so much by so many. 

It’s Official

May 16^th was a special day in the Youel  Household!  It amazes me how fast this day came and how the Lord gave us just the right amount of peace we needed as we waited for this day to arrive.  The Lord has carried us through this whole adoption process day after day.  I also know that we could not have made it through this time without the support of our family, friends, and birth family.  We are blessed beyond measure by the loved ones that the Lord has placed in our lives.  Unbelievably blessed!  

It was a beautiful sunny morning as we drove to the court house.  Logan could not have looked more cute!  He was in his favorite attire, plaid shirt and sweater vest.  Mr. Adorable stole the show!  Our judge, Judge Jacobson, made our adoption hearing perfect.  She had such a fun personality and allowed our crazy friends and family to run all over the court room snapping photos.  My heart was  thrilled to have snapshots of the day that will always be one of the most important days of our lives!  

Government Center - Where it all took place!

Heading to the court room.

Swearing in.

Our delightful Judge.

Kevin and I with our precious son. There are
no words to share how much we love
 our Logan!

Everyone that could come support us...at the last moment!

Kevin's Mom, Dad, and Sister with Kevin, Logan and I. 

                                            

Kevin, Logan, and I with our social worker, Kali.  She made this
entire process seem simple!

To celebrate we went and had some amazing
Gelato.  Thanks to Travis! 

Happy Birthday Katelyn

This last Saturday Katelyn had her first birthday since Logan was born.  We thought it would be special for Katelyn to spend her birthday with Logan this year.  We invited Katelyn and her family over for a small birthday party to celebrate Katelyn!  We grilled hamburgers, ate cup cakes, and played games. Kevin and Katelyn had their bonding time playing their video games, while Christy, Meaghan, and I played Bananagrams.  Mark ended up taking a nice little cat nap in our living room recliner.  It was a relaxing afternoon together!

Katelyn, Logan, Kevin, and myself

Katelyn enjoying Logan

Katlyn opening up her gift from Kevin and I. We got her the video game
that she and Kevin talk about every time we are together!  Can you
guess who picked out her birthday gift? (Meaghan and her mom holding Logan)

Logan's Birth Story!

Our son Logan Gabriel Youel

Born: December 30th, 2011

On Thursday, December 29^th our lives changed forever.  We received a phone call from Katelyn letting us know that her water broke.  She then asked us to head to the hospital for Logan’s birth! I called Kevin at work and we were on the road within an hour.  When we walked through the doors to Katelyn’s birthing room she was sitting straight up and doing great.  We joined her mom, dad, and sister and all spent the afternoon/evening hanging out and talking while she slowly waited to progress.  Towards the end of the night her contractions started to get stronger, but she still had quite a ways to go.  After dinner, that night, Kevin and I headed back to our hotel.  The hotel Kevin and I ended up staying at was less than 5 minutes from the hospital.  That was so nice! We kept our cell phones connected to us at ALL times just in case Logan was ready to make his appearance. 

The next morning we headed back to the hospital.   We finally had the privilege of meeting Andy, Logan’s birth father.  He arrived at the hospital sometime after we had headed back to our hotel the night before.  Kevin and Andy were able to get away and spend some alone time together.  They were able to get to know each other and talk about how Andy was feeling about the entire adoption and Logan’s future life with us.  Things also got more intense overnight and Katelyn’s contractions were getting even stronger, but she was not progressing at the pace that she needed to be.   It was a very hard and long day.  There were times things got so difficult that Kevin and I had to leave the room.  Her mom, dad, or Andy were always by her side.  Christy, Katelyn’s mom, has to be the best birthing coach that I have ever seen!  The amount of encouragement that flowed from her mouth was endless.  She was constantly rubbing Katelyn’s back or getting her through each contraction at a time. After trying all the options that were offered to Katelyn there was no other option but to deliver Logan by C-section.   The nurses were able to get it approved to allow both Katelyn’s mom and Andy to go back with Katelyn to be present for Logan’s birth.  This was one of the biggest blessings for Christy.  It was an emotional moment when we all found out she was able to be with her daughter.

Katelyn’s dad (Mark),  Katelyn's sister (Meaghan), Kevin and I all waited out in the lobby anticipating the big news that Logan had arrived and that everyone was safe and healthy.  It seemed FOREVER!  The time finally came when we were told that Logan was born and that they were back up in the room.  We gathered all of our stuff and headed to meet Logan and see how Katelyn was doing.  We were bummed that Meaghan had to head to work before Logan was born.  On a positive note she found someone to cover her shift and she was back at the hospital in no time.  Before Christy headed back with Katelyn I handed her my camera to get all the pictures she could of the birth.  Here are just a few out of the 100 she took! 

When we got back to the room Katelyn was still pretty much asleep.  Logan was all wrapped up in the hospital blanket with his little hat covering his head.  He was being passed around for everyone to meet and hold him.  Here is Kevin and I meeting Logan for the 1^st time.  He was absolutely perfect!  There really are no words to describe the feelings that were going through Kevin and my heart at that moment.  It was pretty much a moment that we had been waiting to happen for over 10+ years.  A moment that we would never have experienced if Katelyn would not have asked us to adopt Logan and selflessly allow us to be a part of this whole process.  Already during this entire adoption process Katelyn has put Kevin and I above her own wants/needs.  She has always wanted us to get to experience everything.  With Logan now born she still chose to put Logan and us first.   She chose to share her time with us and wanted us to be around for this part of Logan’s life.  Katelyn also realized that Logan would have an easier transition leaving the hospital and coming home with us by allowing us to be at the hospital the entire time.  I truly believe Katelyn set the foundation for our life long relationship with her and her family.  She has given Kevin and I the desire to want to meet her needs throughout the years to come.  We are forever grateful for Katelyn setting the example that we now want to follow. 

Meaghan with Logan

Katelyn, Andy, Logan, Kevin and I. What a special moment and photo.
Logan you are loved beyond measure!

Mark and Christy with Logan!

The same evening Logan was born Kevin, Mark, Christy and I decided to go out for dinner.  This would allow Katelyn, Andy, and Logan to have some much needed alone time together.  We had a nice conversation over dinner.  It was good for all of us to get away and talk about the past day and the future that was a head of us all.  The relationship we have formed with them is pretty much like a parent – child relationship.  They have been one of our biggest supporters along this entire process. We all want what is best for Logan and we have been able to be completely honest with each other while making life long decisions.  We cannot put a price on the relationship we have with them!

The following night was our night to hang out with Andy.  We spent the evening by going out to dinner and then to Babies R Us.  Andy wanted to buy a couple of things for Logan. We had a heart to heart talk over dinner.  It was really good to get to hear everything he had going on in his life and what his desires are for Logan.  We take what he said very seriously and plan to do our best at fulfilling his wishes.  It will be fun to get to share with Logan many details about his birth father.  We truly are happy that he made the choice to fly to Minnesota to support Katelyn and be here for Logan’s birth.  Logan was able to have both of his birth parents loving on him at the hospital!

Kevin and I were able to be a part of all the little details of Logan's hospital stay.  Below is a snapshot of our days spent with Logan in the hospital:

Meaghan made this small poster to hand outside of Logan's room.

Logan's first bath.

Footprint time! 

Christy and Meaghan at Katelyn's side.

Christy bought the book On the Night You Were Born by Nany Tillman.
She read it to all of us the night Logan was born.  She gave me
 a stuffed Polar Bear to take with me to the hotel every night
while Logan stayed at the hospital.  I then gave it to Katelyn when
all left the hospital for her to take home.

Logan had many visitors (from Katelyn's family) that came to see him in
the hospital. Here is Molly holding Logan. Kevin's
parents and one of Kevin's sisters (Tami)  even made it to visit. 
They enjoyed meeting Katelyn and
her family. Their visit was before Logan was born. It 
was hard not having my mom and Tom around on this
special day, but they will get to meet Logan soon. Why
does Texas have to be so far away! 

Logan's little hat, our wrist bands,

and the card that was on Logan's bed. 

There is nothing you can ever do to prepare yourself for the moment when you all go home.  We knew it would be one of the hardest parts of this whole experience, but we did not expect to hurt as deeply as we did for Katelyn and her parents.  We will hold on to the words that were spoken at the departure and will share them with Logan when the right time comes.  Even though it was an emotional goodbye we all knew it was not the end…it was just the beginning of our life long journey together!

Meeting More of the Family!

We had an instant connection with our birth family from the very first time we met them.   Each time we get together our relationship continues to grow.  Back in October when our social worker called to let us know that Katelyn and her parents wanted to throw us a shower for Logan we were thrilled!  Not only were we going to get to experience more bonding time, we were going to get to meet more of their family.  You would think there would be some form of awkwardness, but nope none at all.  Why would we expect any different?!?  Everyone was so open to getting to know us and congratulated us over and over again.  The generosity of everyone warmed our hearts and we honestly felt as though we have been a part of this family for years.   It was really special to get to watch everyone take the time to sit down and read our profile book.  (The book that Katelyn got to know us from and chose us to be Logan’s adopted parents!)  We enjoyed making our rounds talking with all of the family, eating pizza, opening gifts and eating cake and ice cream.  Kevin was even able to sneak away and get some video gaming in with Katelyn.  We truly enjoyed ourselves and left feeling overwhelmed at how blessed we are to have this family in our lives.  We are so thankful that we had the privilege to get to see first-hand the closeness and the amount of love they have amongst each other.  I SO wish my mom and Kevin’s mom could have been a little fly on the wall.  They would have been smiling ear to ear while witnessing the time we shared with our new extended family!

Katelyn opening the box we gave her to store all of Logan's letters that
she writes to him through the years!